Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
