drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
