i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
