the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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