The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
