dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
