can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did not marry a roomba.
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