Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do herpes really smell.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
