I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
