I skipped work to stalk him.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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