I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
