all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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