I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
