im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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