You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize