I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
