Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
