he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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