3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think people are normalizing furries
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize