Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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