its not stalking. its research.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
