Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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