I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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