yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
