so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
