Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
