I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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