So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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