i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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