I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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