I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
