help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
