You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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