Plan B is the new Plan A
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
