I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
