do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
