All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
