Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my liver is dry heaving
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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