She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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