the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
