It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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