goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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