How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
