Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
