wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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