drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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