My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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