your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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