i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize