I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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