If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize