Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The uberlube is also flammable
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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