well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
