Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize