I wish my penis had an off switch
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
