I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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