Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize