I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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