After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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