Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
