dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
