you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
