If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
