guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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