We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
